The Diver

The Diver

by Matthew Benbenek

 

The sun splashed through the waves in speckled patterns on the ocean floor. I floated still on my stomach watching the lucky fish below. I wanted to be down there. My body pulled my head out of the water when I ran out of air. Maybe if I tied rocks to my feet like the coral boys, I thought. But not here. It’s too shallow.

Back on the beach I laid on the white sands looking up at the coconut trees with their palms that never fall. Reaching around, I felt the glass bottle and brought it to my lips. Only a few drops of rum fell onto my dry lips. I cast the bottle aside and laid for a while in the shade of the tall tree, my chest rising and falling with the tide. After a while I arose and walked up the beach to the cabana. The worn, wooden shack was nearly empty in the late afternoon.

“Another bottle Charlie,” I said, snapping my fingers.

The small, dark man behind the counter turned to me and shook his head. “No more Mr. Claude. Why don’t you go home?”

I pounded my fist on the bar, causing the few other patrons to turn towards us. “Just give me one more bottle,:” I said through clenched teeth.

“You must go.”

“I’ll go when you give me another bottle. Or do you want me cause a scene?”

He glared at me, before reaching down and grabbing a bottle. “This isn’t good for you, you know? A man your age shouldn’t drink like this.” I pulled out a wad of bills and slammed it on the table without counting it. He gave me the bottle and I uncorked it, taking a large pull. “Everybody’s right about you.” he said with a grimace.

“I guess so.”

 

I walked off the beach back onto the shell streets. I followed them, winding through the island, focused more on the level of the rum in the bottle than where I was going. It’s a curious thing how the value of the liquid changes depending on how much remains. Now it seemed endless and I chugged away, but I knew in a few hours I would be savoring drops again.

There was a bench by the ruins of an old church, and I sat down on it to finish the last of the bottle. Perched on a hill, the church overlooked the tenements. I looked at the western complex, with its faded coral walls. It was so familiar. I lived there once.

The sun sunk behind a shelf of dark clouds. Finally, I thought. The sun was the worst part of living in the tropics. Everyday it bakes the youth from my body. I’ve wasted so much of my life in the sun.

A flash started an abrupt downpour. I got up and started walking. I liked walking in the rain here. It brought the island back into the ocean. Cars didn’t drive. Creatures came out of the ground and took over the flooded streets. How I wished I could walk on the seafloor again among the old fish. It was another realm entirely, removed from time with a grander permanence.

I finished the bottle and threw it at the side of the house to my left, but I missed and it crashed through a window. A woman screamed inside. A man burst out the front door excited with a rifle. When he saw me, he lowered the gun, and the look of fright vanished from his face.

“Who is it Walter?” the woman asked from inside. “Them kids again?”.

“No. Just a sorry excuse for a man.” I kept walking. “You hear that you old bastard, you nearly hit my wife.” He chased me and I started to run, but I slipped and fell in the mud. “Look at yourself. No wonder they left you.” He kicked me in the gut and walked back inside.

 

I stumbled down to the wharf, into the public house, and sat down at the bar, dripping dirty water. “You look even worse than yesterday, Claude.”

“Double rum Jim, thank you very much.”

“Do you even have any money?”

“Put it on the tab.”

“I don’t think so.”

I wrung out my sleeve on the bartop. “You know once upon a time, I thought of you as a friend.” I said, and got up to leave.

“The ships are in. Why don’t you see if they’ll take you?”

“They won’t.”

“Just trying to help you out.”

“Well cut it out cause I don’t want it.”

I left the pub and walked down to the ships anyway. It was dusk and the rain had stopped. The boats were loading up for their next journey. I spotted The Jewel of the Sea and walked up to a familiar face.

The man turned to me and sneered in disgust when he recognized me.

“What do you want?”

“Work,” I said, but the alcohol was catching up to me, and I staggered.

“God, man, you can barely stand. Did you really think he’d hire you again.”

“Just ask him!” I shouted. “Please…”

I propped myself up against a bollard as the man begrudgingly walked onto the ship and knocked on the captain’s cabin. He spoke, standing in the doorway, but I couldn’t hear what was being said. Through the cabin window, the captain peeked through the blinds at me. The door closed and the man came back down to me.

“What did he say?”

“I told you, he won’t hire you.”

“But what did he say?”

“Leave and don’t come back. He called you some names too.”

He pushed me and I stumbled on down the pier. The Oceanus was docked a little further down. I walked up and saw the anchor hanging off the side of the ship. I leaned over the edge to try and touch it. It was coated with that deep grime. No man has seen the things this anchor has seen. “Hey, what are you doing?” a voice shouted at me, but I didn’t respond. I couldn’t quite reach it, and when I tried to stretch further I lost my balance and fell into the water. I sank fast. I would have made a good anchor, I thought. The water here was filthy and stung my eyes as I tried to look deeper. I didn’t notice the man who jumped in after me until he grabbed me and pulled me out.

The man slapped me about as I lay on the pier. “What did you go and do that for?”

‘ “He’s drunk.” another man said.

“What’s going on down there?” I heard a man shout.

“A man fell into the water. I’ve pulled him out.”

“What should we do with him Captain?”

I saw a man I knew walk up and look down at me. He laughed to his men. “I think this one would have been happier if you’d left him in there.” He reached out a hand to help me up.”How are you Mr. Claude? What brings you down here?”

“I’m looking for a job.” I slurred out pathetically.

Now all the men laughed. “Now men, show a little respect. Mr. Claude here is one the most seasoned divers in the islands. Even if he is a scoundrel.” They all laughed again. “Sure I’ll give you a job. We’ve got some younger boys, maybe you can teach them something. You won’t be paid much, of course.”

I shook his hand and followed him aboard, passing out on the first available cot.

 

The voyage out was a few days. I’m not sure where we were headed, or the target of the exhibition, but I didn’t much care. I sat alone on my meals. I felt eyes staring at me, some crew whispering about me out of earshot. I recognized a many of the men. I’m sure a few of them were on my last ship too.

A young man approached me a few days in. I had seen him try a few times before, but he always chickened out. He put his food tray down across from me. “Mind if I sit?” he asked.

I shook my head indifferently so he sat down. ”My name’s Alexander. You’re Claude, right?”

I nodded.

“People here are talking about you.”

I stared at him blankly. “People always talk about me.”

“I heard you were a great diver.”

“Am I not anymore?”

“Well it’s just you haven’t been down in a while…since that incident.” I stared at the young man who was growing more apprehensive by the minute. I can only imagine what they told him about me. “I was wondering if you might tell me…what happened then?”

“I’m sure they can tell it much more vividly.”

“Perhaps, but I’d like to hear it from you.”

“Maybe I don’t want to tell it, kid.”

Out of his bag he pulled a bottle of rum, poured a glass and slid it across the table in front of me.

“If you insist,” I said, slamming the liquor. “I was diving on The Jewel of the Sea, years ago. It was for a wreck off of Antigua. There were several of us down there, searching the ship. Supposedly there was some gold on it, but we didn’t find anything.”

I slid the glass over to the kid and he refilled it and slid it back. “Go on.”

“The other guys wanted to start the ascent but I wasn’t ready yet. Some went up, but my diving partner, a kid, stayed down there while I finished searching. Finally, when the oxygen was running low, I gave in and we started up. The kid got nervous when his air gauge hit red and rose too quick. Bends got him. Everybody blamed me.”

“They said you a breakdown and the kid had to drag you back up.”

“If you wanted their story, then why’d you ask me.” I grabbed the bottle and headed to my bunk.

We were headed out to the middle of the Sargasso, supposed to arrive the next morning. I’m not even sure what we were diving for, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t sleep that night and I was out of liquor again. I got up and checked the time, but my watch had stopped. I wasn’t tired so I crept up to the deck, careful not to wake my bunkmate. Rain pelted my face as I stepped out into the night. I breathed in the wet air and looked about. It was a quiet sea, and the clouds curtained the sky dark. The only light came from the ship’s lamps and the men on deck, carrying out their duties were the only breaks in the slow drone of the waves.

The ocean never seemed so supreme, in the darkness not revealing any of its secrets. I knew right away that I couldn’t resist. From the equipment room I smuggled a SCUBA pack back up to the deck. I stripped, put on the mask and walked off the side of the deck. I sank fast through the cold water. The sea was thick and black, with only hints of shapes from the dim light of the boat. I could feel fish move blindly around me. How spoiled they were to sleep here every night.

Falling deeper, the light shrunk until it resembled a distant star and I was an astronaut, a pilgrim where man was never meant to venture. I took off the mask and let the pack float off into the abyss.I was in complete darkness now, either because the light was too far, or my eyes had burst from the pressure. If I was in pain I didn’t notice, suspended in an alternate state. My breath was running short and my mind in dizzy necrosis. I swallowed, filling my stomach and lungs with the deep. Finally, my brain shut down. I left my body and saw it get devoured by fish. I found heaven there in the ancient water. Man transfigured eternal at the black heart of the world.

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